How Lateef slowed down during sex and found real connection

The beginning

I hooked up with this girl from Tinder.

We exchanged messages, and it was quick. When I messaged her, it wasn't like we were really talking to each other or there was some sort of connection. It was more of a “hey, what's up, do you want to hook up?” Because that was the message going around. It was like this is how it should be, this is normal, this is cool. So I thought I’d give it a shot. I met up with her.

On the way to meet her, I remember being very nervous. Everything was fine, right up until we got into her house. I met her outside, and everything was good. We were talking, the conversation was flowing, lots of laughter. And then when we got into her house, I don't know what it was, but there was just this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. And we were about to have sex.

"I remember when I was putting the condom on, my dick just didn't want to listen to me. I was thinking, what's going on here? Because that was the first time it had ever happened to me. I couldn't believe it. Meanwhile, she's probably thinking, 'this guy doesn't find me attractive.' So that makes her even more anxious, and then it's just both of us being anxious and feeding off each other."

By the end of it, we just didn't have sex. I remember trying for about an hour, thinking maybe it would wear off, maybe it would happen. We tried everything you could think of. Maybe I gave her oral, maybe she gave me oral. Nothing was working.

And at the end, it was just silence. Silence in the bed, this isn't going to happen. Then we had the whole conversation of "we can try again, we should do it another day" but we both knew it wasn't going to happen. I remember leaving and the trip home was awful. Honestly awful. I couldn't think straight. I was pretty shot. She felt like that too.

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Finding Mojo

One thing that helped me was that I stopped trying to hook up with people meaninglessly.

Hookups aren't for me. Hookups aren't for everyone. So the first thing I decided to stop doing was hooking up, and then I looked deeper within myself, because there was obviously something mental happening that was blocking me from getting erections when I needed to.

I had no problems masturbating. But when it came to having sex, it was almost like something was stopping me from going through with it.

It's funny. I'm someone who's so used to going fast. Let's get into this as fast as I can.

"But I found out that when I slow things down, properly speak to someone before sex and try to build a connection, that's when it feels amazing."

Where things are now

I now know I can have a lot of fun when I take my time and don’t put performance pressure on myself or her. And then when sex does happen, I'm happy. I'm ready for it, I'm calm.

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This is one member's personal experience. Individual results vary, and this story is not medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional about persistent concerns.