Stress and ED: how mastering life’s curveballs can help your erections
When stress creeps up on you, it can have a big impact on your mood, general health and erections. But it’s a pretty tough knot to unpick.
So, for World Mental Health Day, we employed the help of not 1, not 2, but 3 experts to show us how stress and ED are related, and to teach us a few calming techniques for us to take into the bedroom.
Are you ready to meet them?
- In the medical corner: Dr Matthew Chan, Medical Doctor
- In the psychotherapist’s chair: Amanda Barge, psychosexual and relationship therapist
- In the lotus position: Mike Richards, meditation coach
Roll call over. Let’s begin.
How can stress cause erectile dysfunction?
A little bit of stress can be helpful. It’s our brain’s first line of defence – keeping us alert and out of trouble (watch out for that bus!).
But when stress persists, it can lead to problems like psychological erectile dysfunction.
We asked Dr Matt to tell us why:
Okay, so now we know stress has the power to gatecrash date night, we’re not feeling any calmer. But let’s not panic, we just need to dig a little deeper to learn how to turn things around.
Where does stress come from?
Stress might have the power to wreak havoc in our bodies, but it’s important to remember it’s actually governed by the mind. So we can help reduce the impact of stress by shifting the way we think.
This doesn’t sound easy, but we’ve been told the first step is to become aware of how our own stress works, and notice when it starts to get in the way of our erections.
This starts by understanding that stress can come from two places:
- Internal stresses are stress-inducing thoughts or beliefs. These come from our own personal mindset or expectations.
- External stresses are stressful things the world throws at us. These are often beyond our control.
How can internal stress trigger erectile dysfunction?
None of us wants to be the root of our own stress, especially if it’s keeping us out of the bedroom. So we asked Amanda to explain how our thoughts can grow into our erections’ worst enemies:
Why is catastrophizing such bad news for our erections?
There’s no denying these thoughts don’t sound too sexy. But why can’t we just push them to one side and get down to business anyway?
Sounds like there’s some science involved:
Not really the sensual vibe you were hoping for, ey? We get it, but did you really think we’d leave you hanging there with no handy hints?
Please! Over to you Amanda.
Amanda’s top tips for stopping the internal stress spiral
Next time you feel yourself getting pulled down by negative thoughts, Amanda shared a couple of things you can do to stop yourself from falling all the way down the rabbit hole.
- ask your brain to stop
If you’re by yourself, simply say the word “stop” out loud. It might sound silly, but over time your brain will listen and change the record. - reach for a helpful thought
Don’t let your flustered mind call the shots, instead focus on a positive mantra, like: “I am okay” or “I am good enough”. Just saying this internally, or reading it from your phone, will help reset the stress and remind your brain that actually everything is going to be alright.
How can external stress cause erectile dysfunction?
Now we know how our thoughts and beliefs can trip us up, it’s time to head into the outside world.
We asked Amanda for her professional opinion on why uncontrollable forces outside the bedroom can cause ED:
Why does excessive external stress have such an impact on our erections?
Yikes! We’ve all been through periods where things become too much, but do we really need to take stress that seriously if we want to keep it up?
Dr Matt, what do you think?
Amanda’s top tips to combat external stress
1. Focus on what you can control
If you can, try not to focus on stressing about things outside of your control, such as “how do I look naked?’’. Instead, try to focus on what you can control, such as where you choose to touch your partner to make them feel good.
It can also be easy to forget that you have lots of options when it comes to sex, even though you might feel under pressure to always ‘perform’ or make certain decisions. If you don’t want that one night stand, it’s okay. If you’re just not in the mood for sex tonight, that’s also okay.
Try not to focus on guessing what other people will think of these choices. The relationship you have with yourself, and your mental health, is the most important thing.
2. Be a compassionate observer
This technique involves stepping outside yourself and trying to look at the situation through the eyes of someone independent (but who cares about you a lot).
What would they say if you told them you were having trouble in the bedroom? Think about what practical advice and words of comfort they might share. Now, can you say those words to yourself?
By changing our internal chatter to something more positive, we can change the way we think and bring our stress levels down – leaving you more room to enjoy the moment.
How can Mojo help?
If you're feeling stressed about sex or your erections, Mojo's Erection Reset course can work wonders. Try it for free today.
Mojo aims to provide useful wellbeing resources to its users; however, you should not solely rely on opinions or advice available on the Website or given by the Community. Always seek advice from a qualified medical doctor or other healthcare professional before acting.
About the experts
With 18 years as a psychosexual and relationship therapist, Amanda helps people navigate desire, intimacy, and the changes life brings.
Help is available when you're feeling low – you don't have to suffer in silence. If you're in crisis or struggling to cope, find someone to talk to on Find a Helpline.
